Chuck Norris

I've grown up watching Chuck Norris movies as a kid. He was certainly an impressive actor and martial artist. His reputation even caused some satirical lists which were quite humorous. Unfortunately, Chuck didn't think so. Now he's suing some of the people who are attempting to making money on these tall tales. While I'm pretty neutral on that whole deal, I'd have to say that the lists are pretty funny. Below are some of Chuck Norris facts that I though were funny enough to share:

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.