My wife and I have been watching American Idol since its first season. We enjoy the show for its simple entertainment value: a singing competition. Not that we're the best critics of how to sing, but we know what we like. Over the years of watching, I think I've come to a good idea on how to break down the show for the newcomer. Here we go:
The series first begins with about 2 or 3 weeks of interviews and ridiculous auditions by idiots who just want screen time. Somehow, among the thousands who audition, Randy, Paula, and Simon (the show judges and contestant critics) find people who can actually sing. This section is probably the most entertaining for most people, since there are so many weirdos who get air-time, it makes to be a sort of Jerry Springer feeling of superiority over the nuts who try out. Clearly, this section is popular because of its humorous slant, and less of the actual singing.
The next section is another competition in Hollywood with the judges still weeding out more people to get down to about 24 contestants. These 24 are pretty good singers, but I'm sure that, for the sake of entertainment value, they allow a few nuts to get through even from here. These people can usually sing just fair, but have serious personality or other flaws which keep them from getting far in the competition.
The next section is about eliminating people week by week. They start with 24 singers and they go to the "final 12". These people are usually performing live on a stage in front of a live audience and the judges. However, in this stage of the competition, the judges are now only critics, and America (read: teenage girls) vote for their favorites, with the singers with the least votes getting eliminated. Let's break down the roles of the critics, since this is the most interesting aspect of the show, in my opinion:
Randy is a producer, former musician and some other stuff. He's usually trademarked by calling people "dog" and using terms such as "pitchy", "pitch problems", and "yo-yo-yo!" His judgments on the contestants are usually on their vocal control, but sometimes his "isms" take over and he's really hard to understand. In most cases, he's pretty positive.
Paula is a former singer and choreographer who had her own pop career in the 90s. Her judgments hold no value for anything. She pretty much justs wastes time telling people how they have good spirits and how much she likes their personalities. Most of the time people become dumber listening to her talk. Nevertheless, she's the one ace that every singer can bet on, since she lacks any spine to say anything that would be remotely negative. I'm quite positive that she's worthless on the show as anything other than a trademark at this point.
Simon Cowell is the opposite of Paula. He's the person who actually makes any sense, tells it like it is, and makes enemies in the process. He's known usually for using words such as "Appallingly awful", "Cabaret singer", "No relevance", etc. He's really the only judge that most of the singers care about impressing, because he's the judge that 1. speaks coherent English (unlike Randy), 2.) speaks coherent English (unlike Paula).
Throughout the show, these three critics battle with each other and also with Ryan Seacrest, the absolute shortest show host I've ever seen. Ryan is known for picking fights with Simon to stir up the crowd or defend the battered singer who just went through Simon's critique.
Once the show gets down to the final 12, they make the "big" hollywood stage, where they perform in front of huge audiences. The final 12 makes the American Idol tour after the season is over, despite anyone's elimination. In this case, the next 12 weeks are pretty much the same process of 1 person eliminated each show by "america" voting.
Somewhere, near the end of the season, there is a huge controversy, as one of the contestants who clearly has amazing talent and should wipe the floor with everybody else gets voted off unexpectedly. This stirs things up among everybody, and then we go from there to the final decent contestant.
Well, that's American Idol in the nutshell. Please pray for me.
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